Have you ever said something that you immediately regret? Wishing you could just disappear? I have a very dark sense of humor and sometimes I let my mouth spit out whatever it wants before I really think about what I’m saying.
A few years ago I had a massive crush on this new guy I met. We formed a great friendship and he confided in me about his brother dying from cancer and how hard that was for him.
This guy was like me though, dark sense of humor, and we pretty much thought all the same things were funny.
Well, we finally found time to hang out one on one! The plan was for him to come over to my apartment to watch Netflix and hangout. No chilling. Just hanging.
I was so excited he was coming over. I would get to hang out with my crush and I had an excuse to clean my room! I really only cleaned when I was expecting company. Anyone else like that?
So, the big day arrives, we had rehearsal for a sketch comedy show we were in and then we were heading uptown to my apartment right after. All the butterflies were in my stomach and I wished they’d fly away.
We arrive at my third-floor walk-up in Harlem. I’m all like, “this is my front door”, “this is my hallway”, “this is my room”. He is taking everything in.
But a childhood photo on my mirror catches his eye and he asks, “Who’s that?”
“That’s my brother. He’s dead.”
Silence. Only silence in the room. Fuck. Why did I say that? Why am I so dark and twisted that I think it’s funny to joke that my brother is dead?
“I’m so sorry! My brother is not dead. I don’t know why I said that. I’m sooooooo sorry!”
He lets out a laugh and a smile.
“It’s fine, really. Not a big deal.”
You probably think that this guy should be my husband if he’s on board with dead brother jokes but I’m still single and, currently living with my brother. No Ouija board required because he is still very much alive.
Am I the worst person in the world? There’s gotta be at least one other person who is worse than me. Right?